Thursday, January 7, 2010

THE RIDE

I always said I wanted to go up in a hot air balloon ride before I died. Everyone knows how scared I am of heights. Why would I even think of such a ride? But I took another ride I'd never dreamed I do.
One day, last summer, I was coming home from Rock Port and the transmission went out of my car. I had enough speed to pull off the road and park it. Then I walked.
Pretty soon, a guy I knew came along riding a motorcycle. I thought, "I'm not getting on that thing."
But I did.
I said,(as I climbed expertly on this hog) "Where do I hang on?"
"You don't." he said, "Unless you hang on to me."
Hang on, I did. I'm sorry about the claw marks in the midriff. Those should heal up in a couple weeks. The broken ribs, however, may take a little longer. You did tape them, didn't you?
It was that corner we took. I swear, it was on two wheels. I yelled, but I guess he didn't hear me.
What a ride... out in the wild blue yonder, the wind blowing in my hair, and me clenched to this guy's sides.
You could have knocked Tom over with a feather when he saw me riding up on that motorcycle. He almost acted like he didn't believe it.
Say, when is this Sturgis thing anyway? Do I need tatoos?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

THE CELLAR DOOR

This is not an original story, but one my Dad used to tell. I thought some of my family would get a kick out of it.

Coon hunting is a lonely profession, especially if you have the best coon dog in a hundred mile radius. Nobody wants to hunt with you, when your dog can out track and out tree any dog around.
When my best friend, Wayne, called from Ohio, he informed me he'd latched onto the two best coon dogs in the state. He wanted to bring them out and hunt them. Of course, Wayne knew of Rock's reputation, so he said, "If you will tie Rock up, I'll bring my two dogs out and we'll hunt them."
I was anxious to see my old friend and was a little bit curious about how good these dogs really were, so I agreed.
Wayne drove all day and got here about dark. We ate supper and he was ready to stretch his legs and the dogs were restless, so we decided to go coon hunting.
I chained Rock to the cellar door and we unloaded Wayne's dogs and headed off into the hills.
It really didn't take long for Wayne's dogs to pick up a track and they were barking on the trail.
Pretty shortly, I hear another bay that I recognized right away. Ole Rock had broke loose and he was barking on the trail with Wayne's dogs.
"I got to find Rock and get that chain off him before he gets all tangled up." I told Wayne.
We headed toward the dogs.
It was the darnest thing I ever saw. Not only did Rock have the chain attached, but he was dragging the cellar door.
And the part that really beats it all: those two dogs of Wayne's had hitched a ride and were both sitting on that cellar door.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

How Cold Is It?

You know it is cold when you throw water up in the air, and the icicles are still hanging there.

You know it's cold when you see a log chain roll under a tarp.

You know it's cold when you fry an egg and it freezes in the skillet.

You know it's cold when your hand sticks to the pump handle and you have gloves on.

You know it's cold when your nose gets frost bit when it's sticking out from under the covers.

You know it's cold when a turkey flies down from the tree and his tracks are frozen in mid-air.

You know it's cold when you turn on the shower and ice pellets come out.

You know it's cold when you bring in wood with hibernating lady bugs on it and when you toss it in the fire, they dance with glee.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Christmas That Wasn't

All the Whats of Whatsonville
Dreamed of sugar and spice
But that mean ole grinch
started by covering us with ice.

Then the snow came
with the wind roaring along.
That piled up 20 foot drifts
and took away our Christmas song.

Winds screaming with snow blowing
Whiteouts, and visibility was low.
On that Christmas morning
Came that blowing snow.

The winds didn't cease
the snow blew around
Christmas was quiet,
no one could move in the town.

Over the weekend,
the snow it came.
And I knew it was the grinch
that we have to blame.

So the grinch stole Christmas
We still can't get through.
But Christmas is about the Christ child
And not me and you.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Predictions

When I was younger, 2010 was the year we all were driving around in space ships. It's here and we aren't. So, I'll just make some predictions for the coming year:

January will be balmy and melt all the snow December gave us. All 30 inches of it.

The Saints will win the superbowl. It's time for the saints to come out ahead.
"Oh, When The Saints Go Marching In."

The economy will improve so much, we will all be rich.

If any congressmen /women are up for reelection, we will not vote for them.

Pork barrels will be offered on the stock market.

Oil will plummet to $15.00 a barrel.

Kay will plummet 15 pounds this year. (Dream on, Kay)

Kay will win the next quilt that is raffled instead of Jenny. Did I mention she won the "cupcake quilt" the Watson Quilters made for the Cherished Cherubs daycare they raffled to raise money for tables they needed?